What is our preoccupation with knowing why things happen? My curiosity has nothing to do with science, hypothesis and theory. That is another conversation all together. Here are some examples, I grew up with questions like: "Why are you sick? and Why do you do that?" How was I supposed to know? When I try to answer them now, I come up with "Because I am and Because I do, geesh." When I ask my kids the same questions (spawned by loving irritation) I get answers like: "This is how I roll or Because I am ALL THAT!" These early questions have influenced me deeply and totally colored my experience. I developed my own attitude around WHY: Why do you like to eat that? Why do you breathe so loud? Why do you drink too much? Why are you so negative all the time? Why are you chronically late? Why did you break your arm? Why did I forget? Why am I so tired? Why, why why? It can go on forever and not get me anywhere specific. I am not sure "Why?" really matters from a day to day perspective. One forum delivered: "Why is not a spiritual question." I heard this years ago. It has grown in meaning for me as my interest and almost dependence on trusting larger powers, like the UNIVERSE, have expanded my reality. This is a FAITH trip. Trusting and Believing are the cornerstone.
My early morning swim splashed up this: "WHY?" is a place of judgement. It completely sits at the other side of acceptance. Remember opportunity? It is part of this conversation, it exists in those bumps, those happenings that invite us to consider another way. Seriously. Yesterday the school phoned (10:30am) to tell me they were evacuating students due to a bomb threat. I left work, crossed the bridge, found parking, stood in line, answered texts from my kids who were separated by grade in a large building down the road, shook hands with police officers and waited. Then we walked to grocery shop, they scooted off to grab snacks (mini donuts, ice cream and cup-o-noodles), we walked some more and piled into our car as the rain started pouring. Redesign. On November 27th, 2019 we trimmed our tree. Making the most of it, rerouting energy. My point is that life happens all the time and all this blame/irritation/frustration/anger we generate as response seems natural and also quite futile.
I'm thinking it might be a habit. Related to complaining.
I have a wonderful friend who loves to open (noisy) wrappers in the movie theater, another pal has a tendency to eat every part of the meal alone- one dish at a time- creating like five courses, I have friends who will not eat sugar, friends that love to stay up late, another who prefers playing video games instead of watching Netflix, and I am the friend that tends to interrupt (others while speaking as well as my own thoughts). What we all have in common, is our friendship, we like to be with each other, just for fun.
We sat around our dinner table last night chewing on this question: "When is it hard to be a friend?" It took us a while to finally find the simple answer:" It is difficult to be a friend when I am angry."
Why? Because when I am angry I am the farthest away from generosity and comfort as I can be. And underneath the anger is usually sadness or hurt. Maybe that is the time, the place I need to be a friend to myself? Now there's an idea! Can I create the space (permission) to feel my feelings? My kids immediately choose to lash out at others...attack seems to be their first response, sound familiar? Might be mine too. (GAWD!)
We are all FAKE criers at home. Every now and again, I sit, listening to their weeping rant and finally offer: "You are fake crying". We travel from shock-to disbelief-to frustration-to giggles.
The best quality? Humor. Knowing ourselves and being able to laugh out loud at what makes others crazy or simply recognize where we fall short is great remedy. I like what I like the way I like it....we can start there and see how far we get. My life is hardly controllable. And it is better expressed on its own terms. I am along for the ride, reminding myself daily. All this "Why?" business no longer holds interest. Owning my feelings in the moment, recognizing my emotional responses and allowing them to be is a big deal. Looking over my shoulder, I can see how my getting caught up in "Why?" simply deflected me from being in the present moment, clearly inviting another person to explain to me why their behavior was so irritating in the first place. (Really?) So here I am laughing. Out loud. Ridiculous can do that. Why not?