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Updated: Jan 29, 2021

I wasn't feeling the holidays this year. Didn't really want to do what we always do. Also wasn't quite sure I could generate the courage to disappear. So I decided to book a trip to Santa Fe 12/20/19-12/23/19, explore absolute luxury in the form of a five star hotel and do some family connection work facilitated by horses, four days BEFORE our holidays were to be celebrated. Bold, brave and beyond one of the best experiences of our lives. Yes, I took my kids.

Upon arrival, we booked a Spirit Animal Journey with Shaman Niccole Torel. It was a tremendous experience in that it was unfamiliar, interesting, fun and rewarding. We were told that our Spirit Animal Medicine is born with us and we can lean into our Animals anytime we need, they are here to support. This is nurturing information for someone like me, there is a strong sense of belonging woven into this natural relationship. I have spent a great deal of my life feeling disconnected and outcast. Knowing my Medicine makes me feel really good. Knowing my kids' Medicine helps me generate sincere respect and awe, which feels necessary.

Meighan: Orca- highly intelligent with great learning abilities. Adaptable and up for the challenge. Orcas derive strength through community and wise comradery. They operate in matriarchal pods, survive in the harshest of conditions and inspire great awe from others. Orcas are fierce protectors of family and clan. Orcas have a direct connection to larger and more rarified energies of the universe and the cosmos. Because of this, Orca people do well to 'allow' those energies to come and support, rather than 'doing it alone' and 'achieving your goals through sheer effort and intention'.

Zander: Grizzly Bear- a symbol of freedom, strength and understanding. He is a healer and a teacher. Grizzly teaches the importance of taking a stand and commanding power. Grizzly represents a keen sense of knowing, strength, confidence, standing against adversity, taking action and leadership, healing self and others, the importance of solitude, and provides strong grounding forces. Grizzly Bear leads by caring.

Ocean: Ferret - teaches how to endure and thrive. They love to play, explore and interact with other creatures. Ferret expresses qualities of slyness, secretiveness, cleverness, energetic, true-seeing, focus, illusion, playfulness, discernment and wittiness. Central message: remember how to play, you need a break for laughter and wonder. Ferret Totem needs a personal hidey-hole, when life becomes chaotic, retreat and rest becomes vital. Ferret exhibits great intelligence and analytical ability. Reflects Earth Elements of staying grounded, decisive thinking, diplomacy and mediation. Ferret lives in the moment and soaks up all the yumminess.

These descriptions uncover our core personas and bring forth a lot of our truth. All three of us are challenged by social conditioning and we get bogged down with a boat load of 'shoulds'. Who are we and what really matters? Taking the time to know ourselves and remember a personal truth is powerful. The influences around us are great. I have been broken and lost to the call from other for decades. Many of my friends have the same struggle. I am stepping out of that cycle and recovering my own calling.

We spent some time setting intentions:

Meighan: To know I am enough

Zander: To know I am special

Ocean: To know my way is okay-to not be perfect for everyone else or feed into their expectations

From the herd, Artemis is my teacher. Dante chose Zander and Cisco chose Ocean.

Artemis taught me to be clear with my vision and my communication. She tested me often and helped me see my half-heartedness. I know this well, it is primarily a 'hoping for' something, fingers crossed and eyes clenched in a wishful moment. There is also a fear here: that what I really want is not acceptable or not allowed. Artemis showed me so clearly, that only when I own my intention and direction did we, together, find harmony. I learned that when I give myself permission I feel positively oriented. It is only in this place that the possibilities open up/arise.

My way is clear and my focus is strong. "No Doubt" came up repeatedly. When I forget who I am and what I want I get stuck in a pattern of limiting beliefs and OTHER MAKING. It is an unhappy place.

I am learning about power WITH versus power over. Am I directing other or just going where I want to go? Through this nonverbal fantastic, I am exposed to some deep inner knowledge that is generated by Artemis' gentle persistence: I possess consistent energy, lightheartedness, belief and trust in self. I exhibit power in being.

When I am challenged, I will trust myself to ask for help when needed and to envision/cultivate solution with a stronger sense of ease. I can release myself from 'complicated.'

We all fell in love with the herd, Kelly and Scott, easily, deeply.

We will return!

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