I remember forgetting.
I remember being so mad I scared my brother to tears and immediately felt super guilty.
I remember loving vampire movies and watching them late at night wearing a turtleneck and hiding garlic under my pillow.
I remember my first dog dying.
I remember shooting the moon in a game of Hearts.
I remember my first art exhibit, my first painting sale, the price and the name of the buyer.
I remember rollerblading in the hot summer of the Jersey Shore.
I remember taking chances.
I remember getting home after school and not being able to unlock the front door with my key. I wet my pants and burst into tears. Then the door opened.
I remember meditating one morning and getting a very clear message TO GO FOR IT.
I remember living in NYC and feeling invincible.
I remember trying so hard.
I remember my first job cleaning houses.
I remember learning.
I remember feeling too big for my body, just wanting to burst.
I remember swimming in the ocean and getting pretty beat up really fast. Undertow is a relentless force. When I got out from under, I held onto the sand.
I remember wishing I was someone else.
I remember my first school dance and sitting the whole time.
I remember watching my mom cry on the telephone and using her distraction as an opportunity to eat an entire stick of butter.
I remember placing all the pillows in our home outside the window, two stories down, because we were fascinated with the idea of flying.
I remember making lemonade.
I remember being afraid and not knowing what to do.
I remember my daughter sitting on my lap, unwilling to move.
I remember running around the neighborhood, all day long, with my friends.
I remember not getting caught.
I remember wonderful deep conversation with my brother.
I remember crying and not actually feeling sad.
I remember saying yes when I really wanted to say no.
I remember being so happy, so simple, so free.
I remember singing with my sister.
I remember my daughter's magical powers. She is a tremendous gift.
I remember my first airplane ride with my brother to visit our grandma.
I remember my dad and how his laugh used to make me smile, those comforting sounds.
I remember summer camp and how it wasn't like in the movies.
I remember driving my mom's car through the closed garage door.
I remember feeling lost.
I remember loving so deeply my heart sang out loud.
I remember my son in the Hong Kong airport telling me he wanted to try octopus soup.
I remember being pregnant and talking to my growing baby.
I remember walking in Nature and feeling protected.
I remember lying for friends and getting in trouble.
I remember making a big decision and being afraid the whole time.
I remember being held by someone I trusted.
I remember my daughter asking me why I had to pick such a hot country when I took us to Thailand.
I remember being willing to take a chance.
I remember listening.
I remember Santa Fe in December with my kids.
I remember feeling safe.
I remember biking to the hospital to pick up a prescription because I wanted a different experience.
I remember nothing, sometimes.
I remember feeling ashamed that I wasn't somebody else.
I remember leaving my husbands.
I remember swimming with my mom from Alcatraz and the Blue Angels flying overhead.
I remember choosing me.
I remember using the last of the flour to bake banana bread, knowing I would not be able to get anymore at the store during the pandemic.
I remember thinking I might be okay.
I remember my mom laughing so hard and feeling really lucky to be with her in that moment.
I remember changing my mind.
I remember TODAY is real and TOMORROW is fantasy.
I remember how my son, the charmer, can get my heart to flip when he smiles at me.
I remember the beauty of it all, up until now, especially the wrenching hard stuff.
I remember being alone together.
