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PAUSED

My phone is at home. Relaxing, no doubt.


I was driving through the Marina, having already crossed the Golden Gate Bridge, and actually contemplated, for two seconds, going back.


I forgot it.


All our home systems have been upended by construction. I have been wearing the same clothes for three days because I lost access to my closet. Although temporary, I obviously did not think that one through. Maybe the teen moodiness is to blame? Both kids are trying out the 'silent treatment' to see what it might yield. I really like the quiet. Easiest morning ever: get up, shower and take off/BOLT.


I have my computer. The phone is just a convenience. A privilege. (I am using my 'mommy' voice) Perhaps I could take a day off? The longest I have been without it, knowingly, has been a few hours. Let's see what happens.


So far I miss checking my texts and playing scrabble. My brother called me on the office phone and the school contacted me via email: both kids are in attendance today. Whew.


Part of me is grateful for the break. As much as I have 'cut back' on social media posting, I can easily find myself surfing platforms for distraction. I actually do not miss it.


I have enjoyed several focused, detailed and pleasant conversations. The old fashioned kind, filled with eye contact, physical gestures, laughter and sincerity. None of us, in those moments, had a phone to tinker with or pull us away from our discourse. Full bodied stories, layered and fulfilling.


Attention span comes to mind, something akin to 'sound bite, how well do I concentrate when holding my phone? With the immediacy of technology and our push button/trigger finger reality, where do we take the time to communicate in detail with presence? Do we ever? Some may argue they always have that quality while texting. Not sure I do. Of late (6 months) I have sent many texts with typos...a strong indicator I am not paying attention nor taking time for edit. Too busy moving onto the next quality text.


I am relaxing at work. Busy and focused and quite calm. I cannot admit that my phone makes me nervous per se; but there is something about it that can keep me unnecessarily preoccupied. RIDICULOUSLY SO. I was on the phone the other day (not really paying attention I suspect) and found myself desperately looking for my device. This was not the first time that happened. I often put my phone down and then immediately pick it up again, to push some buttons and visit places I have already been. That nonsense can make anyone crazy. No wonder I have a hard time slowing down.


I am not going home to retrieve it, not now and not soon. Ha. Driving around without it feels really great. There is nothing to do but manage my direction, watch the road, sing out loud and pay attention. We all have that bug or that itch. The one that tells you to check it, to see if someone communicated anything. And how many times do we fall for it to find absolutely nothing of interest? Utter absurdity. It is right up there with Halloween candy. This year we only had one pillow case full in our home and I promised to not throw any of it away. She worked through it diligently, methodically, persistently...to the point where she passed out with a lolly in her mouth. Adorable and frightening all at the same time (don't tell her dentist).


Here's the truth. In the 9 hours I was without my phone, I received one text. Nobody phoned and I survived. I need more days like this.












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