Reevaluate Redesign Reentry
As I sit in my garden and drink in my trees I feel transported into a timeless arena. Compared to outside, the goings on in the world, here, everything stops. The sounds of birds can break me out of my trance or take me deeper, it just depends on my mood.
I am here daily, feeling and watching. Being. Listening. The foliage is changing as it blooms. Springtime is here. And it goes so slow. This morning it is so clear to me the power of Nature. The constancy, the steadfast transitioning, the nurturing component, the dependable. This is an emotional revelation. I am surrounded by love here.
A mere human with thinking brain and ego. I am humbled. Thwarted by Natural Majesty. I feel so small, with sincere appreciation. I have this giant tree in the center of my garden and I feel it branching out around me, so big and grand, smiling with kindness down at my emotional chaos. She comforts me. I can feel that she knows exactly what is happening and she has no doubt or concern. I am in good company.
I will continue to listen.
This is a time to Reevaluate. I can readily feel the need to form new ideas surrounding the way I am living, spending my time, and focusing my energy. Luxury, yes, I am well aware. It can be as simple as answering the question "What am I called to do?" I cannot say this is anything I have thought about in the past. When I revisit those big shifts in my life, I honestly feel they were not necessarily of my choosing. They happened because I answered an opportunity, and some of them, in my mind, were the 'only choice' at the time. With a few more years under my belt now, I am not inclined to be so dramatic, I have an easier time generating perspectives to help me decide.
Under these circumstances, Redesign is inevitable. This can be from minute to hour to day. Already with my kids home 24/7 there is some serious need to understand what is most important. Not that I really know, mind you. But I trust it will come. The first week I was a bit of a basket case trying to keep everything familiar - um, that was a next to impossible task. Who's idea was that anyway? I heard it everywhere: Maintain Routine. We can start with having nowhere to go...none of us had our routines to lean on. We used to be early risers and get out the door by 7am. Now it is something else all together :-/ For them with no homework to be completed and for me with no job requirements to fulfill...we just became paralyzed. Well, sort of. Ok, maybe it was just me. Yup, only me. Call it shock, bewilderment, mental stasis of a sort. I don't like the word 'panic'. To tell you the truth, that first week was so weird I cannot even remember details, which leaves me to believe there were none ;-). Currently my kids are great, delighted in their own way. All this time to just be themselves is a huge benefit. It occurs to me that the social pressure at school is NOT missed. You name it and they are doing it: gaming, eating, playing, laughing, lounging, eating, watching shows, fighting, exploring, eating some more, complaining and DOING THEIR HOMEWORK (?). Grades are improving (omg!!), my son is close to having straight A's, he just needs to nudge English up the ladder. They are entertaining themselves on many levels and because of this, I get to spend my time as I see fit. Which is amazing. Almost a dream come true. So this week (it is only Monday) I am inspired and excited to figure out what really matters to me, what dreams I would like to pursue and to take some time to design my life according to my values. Why the hell not?
As far as I can tell, none of us know what is going to happen in the next month. Some people have prepared for a three month hiatus from familiar functioning, some are shooting for a 12 month break. I am not that organized, I am more like a 60 day PAUSE kind of girl at the mo'. And I will not stress about it, that is what I put in motion. I will manage it accordingly. I am also quite aware that my life as I know it is gone. I don't mean to sound bleak, but there is no guarantee that anything will return to the way it was. I am not sure I want it to, some stuff was good, maybe even great, but a lot of it was me just putting up with what was available. Recent trips, the remainder of school and summer camps have been cancelled. This is the time for me to create a structure, a stronger foundation, to support my Reentry into a society I will not necessarily know. Already friends are growing closer and some are moving further away. It seems understandable that our social structures will shift as well.
My neighbor today asked me if it would bother me if he got chickens. I responded with whatever works for him and his family will work for me. The car sticker on the windshield for my next oil change tells me to come back 01/2033 (Whaaaat?). I had a conversation with a friend today surrounding the implementation of a vegetable garden in my back yard and he offered the benefit to having domesticated ducks (?!!?) as they are the best natural way to rid your plants of bugs. (Quack quack) Not sure my neighbors would be down, but I love exploring all the possibilities.
Life on life's terms. I am in no hurry. My eyes are wide open, I have no answers and I am interested to see where all this "Shelter in Place" business takes us. Will we flatten the curve? Will we learn anything? Will our value systems improve? Maybe these are the wrong questions, but for now they are what come to mind. I like to think I am here at this time for a reason, one friend suggested I chose it. This is a comforting thought, it helps me appreciate rather than resist. When I look at it this way, I can only be inspired through my excitement as I am called forward to truly investigate my soul's purpose.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring?